The Elixir to Induce Euphoria
by a-word-nerd
Summary: Brewing potions has never been one of Sirius' many talents. When he and Remus are paired together for a Potions assignment, it's all the poor werewolf can do to keep the mishaps to a minimum. Marauders era.


AN: Here's a little something different! This was a birthday present for my best friend. I haven't written Harry Potter in AGES, but it was what first got me into writing fanfiction when I was younger. I was just a little kid when I wrote my first Harry Potter fic. You'll find a few old stories on my profile, probably now buried beneath all the Odesta. :) As much as I dearly love The Hunger Games (which is pretty much all I've been writing lately) and all my many other fandoms, Harry Potter will always have a special place in my heart. I fell in love with the Marauders the very first time I read book three and I've never looked back. While I am, of course, still planning a longer Hunger Games story, I've been thinking I'd like to start writing Harry Potter again too. So, hey, tell me what you think! :)

Remus Lupin was wondering how he had gotten to be quite so unfortunate. The day really had started out fine. The weather was lovely, he had gotten a bit of reading done over breakfast, and the full moon was a good three weeks away. Yes, it had been shaping out to be a perfectly pleasant day. That was, until he got to Potions.

"Today, we'll be brewing the Elixir to Induce Euphoria," Professor Slughorn had said. "This is one of the more complex potions I've asked you to produce this year so far, so I think we'll try it in partners…" he fumbled around for a moment before pulling out what appeared to be an old cauldron. "Ah, yes, here we are…" Slughorn reached into the cauldron and pulled out two slips of paper. "Snape and Potter!"

Remus looked over just in time to see James' jaw drop in horror. _This can't possibly end well,_ he thought.

Slughorn rattled off a few more pairs before announcing, "Evans and Pettigrew!"

Lily and Peter gave each other polite smiles, but Remus knew Lily was inwardly groaning. Peter was useless at Potions. In fact, the only person Remus had ever known to be more terrible at Potions than Peter was—

"Black and Lupin! I suppose that leaves you two. Very well, everyone, get to work!"

Sirius came bounding over to Remus' side, grinning from ear to ear. "This is _brilliant_, Moony! Euphoria! I've always wanted to learn this one!"

"Sure you haven't already taken some?" Remus asked him, silently contemplating faking an illness so he could be spared the train wreck that inevitably ensued when one mixed Sirius and Potions. Sirius was one of his best friends, but he simply couldn't brew a potion to save his life. The other Marauders were always going on about how he needed to drop Potions as soon as it was no longer required because he was likely at some point to cause damage to himself and the people around him.

"Don't think so," Sirius replied. "Although the bacon that was in the Great Hall this morning was unbelievable. I mean it, Moony, good food can brighten anyone's morning."

Reminding himself that he missed enough lessons already due to the full moon, Remus sighed quietly and resigned himself to his fate.

"I'll set the cauldron up. Think you can handle getting ingredients?"

Sirius rolled his eyes playfully. "Gee, I think so."

"Excellent." Remus handed him the list.

Sirius took the list and strolled over to the ingredients table, whistling softly. Remus glanced over at James and Snape, who seemed to be bickering already, and Lily and Peter, who appeared to be progressing slowly but surely.

_If I leave this dungeon in one piece, it'll be a bloody miracle._

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

"Shrivelfig?"

"Shrivelfig." Sirius held it up proudly.

"Porcupine quills?"

"Whoever thought to put those in must have been pretty sharp."

Remus fought the urge to bang his head against the cauldron. "Sirius, the sheer number of puns I can make about your name—"

"You bet, buddy. Sorry. Porcupine quills at your service."

Nothing had exploded yet, but Remus wasn't feeling particularly optimistic. Peter and Lily had already had to get a new cauldron because Peter had somehow managed to melt the bottom off of their first one. Snape and James seemed to be cooperating in stony silence. And Sirius was, well, Sirius.

"Now, take this and stir it four times _anti_-clockwise." Remus handed Sirius the large wooden spoon.

"Anti-clockwise. Okay. Got it." Sirius nodded.

"I'm going to go get the peppermint."

"You can do so free of worry, my friend." Sirius gave Remus a grin that was anything but reassuring.

Remus made his way over to the ingredient table rather quickly, not wanting to leave Sirius alone with the potion for too long. His worry, as it turned out, was legitimate—he returned to the table to find Sirius absently stirring the potion in lopsided figure eights as he chatted up the girl who was working across from them.

"Sirius!" Remus exclaimed.

Sirius stopped talking and looked from Remus to the potion, which was now beginning to steam more than was normal, and back to Remus. "Oops."

"You had one job, Padfoot. _One job._" Remus sighed, taking the wooden spoon out of Sirius' hands. "Here. Start crushing the Sopophorous beans. Try not to cut your finger off in the process."

Sirius obeyed, apparently eager to redeem himself. The next few minutes passed without incident.

"Hey, Moony."

"Yes?"

"If you were stranded on an island and you could only have three things with you, what would they be?"

Remus thought for a minute. "A good book, probably. My wand. And…some food. Since food is one of the exceptions to Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfiguration. What about you?"

"I'd want my wand, too. Otherwise…all I can really think of is the bacon from this morning."

Remus laughed at that. "Really? Your wand and bacon? That's it?"

Sirius smiled and shrugged. "If I was going to die stranded on an island, I'd want that bacon to be the last thing I ate."

"You are a rather odd seed, Padfoot."

"I get that a lot." Sirius held out the now crushed beans in the palms of his hands. "Here, I offer you this gift of nasty little squished beans."

"Oh, Sirius, you really shouldn't have." Remus took the beans and noted that, for once, Sirius seemed to have done a decent job. After dropping the beans into the potion, which seemed to have recovered from the earlier mishap, Remus added the Wormwood he had been grinding. There was only one step to go now. After a moment of inner conflict, he once again handed the wooden spoon to his best friend.

"Now. Listen to me closely." He stared Sirius straight in the eye. "This needs to be stirred no more and no less than six times, _anti-clockwise._ To the _left._ Not to the right at all. Can you do it?"

Sirius laughed and took the spoon from Remus before playfully smacking his arm with it. "No worries, Moony!"

"I've heard that one before," Remus muttered, trying not to laugh. "Call Slughorn over once it's done. I'm going to go check on Lily and Wormtail."

"Give them my regards!"

Praying that Sirius could summon the focus necessary to stir a potion six times around, Remus wandered over to the other side of the classroom to find Lily stirring and Peter struggling to crush the Sopophorous beans. Lily looked up at him with eyes that clearly said, _help me._

Remus smiled and took the knife from Peter. "Here, do it like this. It doesn't take quite as long." But as he went to crush the bean under the blade of the knife, he noticed something odd. "You're sure these are Sopophorous beans? They don't look quite like ours did."

"I'm sure; I got them myself," Lily replied. "You didn't mix them up with the pepper beans, did you? Slughorn left them out for the NEWT students."

Remus had just enough time to put two and two together before an almighty bang sounded from across the room. He spun around just in time to see their cauldron dissolve in smoke as Sirius took shelter under a desk. Every student who had been working less than ten feet from them was now coated from head to toe in what was supposed to have been an Elixir to Induce Euphoria.

Nobody said anything for a good ten seconds, until James began roaring with laughter. Peter soon followed, and even Lily couldn't hide a smile. Remus was torn somewhere between wanting to laugh and wanting to pitch Sirius off the Astronomy Tower.

"Mr. Black…" Slughorn said, cautiously approaching the remains of the cauldron and bending down a little so he could see Sirius, who was still under the desk. "You seem to have made an error somewhere along the way."

"It would appear that way, yes," Sirius replied matter-of-factly. "You know what, though, Professor? I think I should get partial credit."

Slughorn raised his eyebrows. "And why, dare I ask, is that?"

"I've induced euphoria." Sirius gestured to his classmates, many of whom were now laughing uncontrollably.

Remus finally cracked a grin and, before he could stop himself, was laughing until his stomach hurt. The potion was a goner and he was going to have to pick up a new cauldron the next time he was in Diagon Alley, but his day seemed to be turning out alright after all.


End file.
